WTF Is going ON

“Everything dies, that’s a fact. Maybe everything that dies one day comes back.” – The Wooks

As much as this is for you, its just as much for me. I need this. 

There’s a price to be paid. For everything. Actions have consequences, and most of the things in this world worth having require various degrees of sacrifice. Executive decisions were made. I regret nothing. But it doesn’t mean I don’t miss it… 

When you are burdened with a creative gene, it can often feel just that way. Like a  burden. An internal war with your own psyche over what you deem necessary vs optional. Sometimes I wish it was optional. But you end up realizing its not (if you value your sanity anyway). 

So let’s all pop a Diet Pepsi (I’ve developed a raging addiction since we last spoke), and get into this shit that is certainly the weirdest f***ing month I can remember in my life. 

The Madness that is March 2020

On the night of Monday March 2nd, I moseyed past the living room and saw mi espousa settling in to watch the Bachelor. Fantasy suite edition. So obviously, I sit down. I get sucked in and I’m not afraid to admit it. 

*Speaking of, I didn’t watch the whole season, but I have some opinions on how everything went down toward the end. Don’t get me wrong, I respect Madi for her strong religious beliefs. She shouldn’t compromise those standards considering how important her set of morals are to her. If I was in her shoes, I wouldn’t be cool with it either. I’m an extremely jealous lover. But… there ain’t no way in hell I would put myself in that position. And that’s the point. If she thought that way, she shouldn’t of signed up for the Bachelor in the first place. She watched the previous season with Peter in it. She knew exactly what the hell she was getting into when she went on that show. 

The sad thing is Madi really did seem to like Peter, but that shit was set up for failure. She got that man all twisted up, and unbeknownst to him, he never realistically had a shot. Unless during the last of their dates, he surprised her with a trip to the Jordan River deep in the heart of Israel, where he recited the first three chapters of John by heart, repented of his heathen ways of man-whoring and drunkenness, and instructed her to baptize him on the spot. 

Ahhh another triumphant story of a quest by a woman to save a man. “He’ll change for me. I just know it.” 

However, even then, I’m not sure any relationship is worth inviting the psychopath that is Peter’s mother into your life. And for avoiding that Madi, I do say, bravo. Now go, run along and marry the closest version of Tim Tebow you can find.*

Right as the show starts getting going, the local weather lady breaks onto the screen to tell us there is a tornado watch west of us. (We live in a little town about 25 miles directly north of Nashville. I work in the city myself.) We are pissed. Where is our sweet Bachelor dramatics? We eventually give up and I rip some poor sucker’s face off in 2K. 

Around midnight, my wife wakes me up. She’s sitting up in bed watching the periscope of a Nashville news station as a tornado literally rips through the city. Still didn’t feel real. 

The next morning I try to call my work, its in an area east of Nashville (Mount Juliet, one of the hardest hit spots), and can’t get ahold of anyone. I decide to drive down and see what I can find out. I proceed to float in and out of pockets that vary from looking relatively normal, to complete war zones. Powerlines laying across the road, some homes and businesses destroyed, etc. A surreal experience that feels much different when its places and people you know, rather than someone else’s community viewed through a television screen. There’s a level of shock and sadness permeating the atmosphere. Its palpable. 

And… life does go on… 




*I talk about channeling the other side to draw inspiration in my writing, but Dean Koontz took it to another level. The man predicted a respiratory illness out of Wuhan would ravish the world in the year 2020 in a novel he wrote in 1981. That man. Is. CHANNELING.*

I’m not going to get into all the ins and outs of what’s going on, cause honestly, I have no idea how to think. Are we overreacting? We are literally committing economic suicide. A lot of businesses will never recover, and a lot of people will go financially under. My wife is currently out of work without pay until all of this blows over, and I know we are just one of millions of families going through something similar.

We’re also running out of toilet paper at an alarming rate… If the paper towels also run out, do we… designate a blanket? 

Are we underreacting? Italy keeps breaking their record for most to die from cases in a single day. So I don’t pretend to know. Perhaps the only thing I do know, is I don’t want to get that ‘Rona. In extreme cases, the disease can cause you to develop lesions in your respiratory system, causing your lungs to resemble a honeycomb. So let’s just say I’m taking social distancing seriously. 

Also, a big middle finger to whichever psychopath is actually eating bats. I don’t care how delicious they are. You are one selfish bastard. I pray somewhere in the recesses of your barbaric, deranged mind, you at least feel some degree of remorse. 

Covid-19 murdered my bankroll 

I’m not sure there’s a harder hit community by all of this than the gambling community. I know I went through some of the stages of grief. Denial, bargaining, anger, and ultimately despair. Not sure I ever came around to acceptance. I’m lost y’all. 

The day everything came down, I woke up and bet on like 15 games. Then the conference tournaments started getting cancelled left and right. I was holding out hope that the Big East would hold tight. Until ultimately they didn’t. The last pillar of major college basketball action to fall. RIP. 

At least there was still NASCAR and golf. I laid down some sweet action on the field at -340 to beat Matsuyama, who was holding a 2 shot lead after day one. And then… “what do you MEAN the Players Championship is cancelled???”

Desperation can make you do funny things. Like put entirely too much money on a sport you know nothing about. You best believe I found out about the UFC matches in Brazil last Saturday. Johnny Walker… if you’re by chance reading this, I just want you to know… you’re a bum. 

Hypothetical Elite 8 to National Championship Prediction 

Really the saddest part of this whole thing, is that I watched a lot of college basketball this season. Like way more than I normally do. Borderline nightly and all day Saturday affairs for me once football season ended, and even a little bit before then. I was ready this year.  

Not to do a free ad for The Athletic, but if you’re a subscriber, you should check out the March Madness fan fiction. They’ve created a bracket based off their predictions on how the conference tournaments would have played out, and they’re going day by day through the games. Its literally soft-core pornography for my depraved, sports-hungry spirit. 

Based on their hypothetical bracket, I wanted to have some fun and give you my Elite Eight through National Champion predictions. I’ve given out my NCAA tournament picks on this site for a couple years now, and I’m not going to let the end of civilization as we know it stop me from doing it now. 

Elite Eight:

  • 1. Kansas over 3. Kentucky 
  • 4. Maryland over 2. Florida State 
  • 1. Baylor over 2. Michigan State 
  • 1. Gonzaga over 2. San Diego State 

Final Four: 

  • 1. Kansas over 4. Maryland 
  • 1. Gonzaga over 1. Baylor 

National Championship: Gonzaga 72, Kansas 64


God I’m sad. 

















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