Last week wasn’t a disappointment but it wasn’t a success either. A 4-4-1 showing net us no winnings and that just leaves you throwing money at random NFL games on Sunday. Speaking of, anyone that tells you they have a handle on the NFL this year is a liar or a prophet… Our record now sits at 48-29 (62.3%) but we’re 7-9 over the past two weeks. Being the proactive leader that I am, I set out to rebalance my psyche. Reset the mojo. Get us back to making buckets of cash. To do so I had to think outside the box and get out of my comfort zone. I thought long and hard on how to go about this. But deep down I knew what needed to be done. I had to consult with the Great Turkey Vulture.
The Great Turkey Vulture has dwelled on this continent long before the European invasion. The previous inhabitants of this land, the Native Americans, held the turkey vulture in high regard. The turkey vulture in our society is looked upon with disgust. But people fail to see the turkey vulture as the friend of the earth it truly is. The turkey vulture does not kill. It cleanses the land of dead and rotting corpses. The turkey vulture also soars high above us, seeing everything. I wanted to invoke the Great Turkey Vulture to have council with me for this reason. Just as he has clear vision and perspective where land creatures do not, I want to see college football from a perspective others cannot. Just yesterday, on Halloween Eve, I set about making arrangements for a meeting.
First I had to offer the Great Turkey Vulture incentive to meet with me. I scoured the highways for proper roadkill. It came down to a decision between an opossum and a polecat. I settled upon the latter for the added stench. After making my decision, I dragged the carcass to a clearing next to the road. While patiently waiting for the turkey vulture to arrive, I caught a glimpse of a patch of wild mushrooms in the middle of the clearing. I came to the conclusion that perhaps a hallucinogen such as these will help break down the animal to human communication barrier. However, soon after eating them I started feeling really sick…. I barfed my brains out and passed out. After I regain consciousness, I come to find A TURKEY VULTURE FEASTING UPON MY OFFERING.
I sprang to my feet. Looked him dead in the eye. And requested he grant me with his animal spirit powers. And you know what that asshole said? Not a damn thing. The ungrateful bastard took off. Didn’t even look back.
I tell you all this to let you know the Money Train is back baby. Despite getting spited by that winged jerk, those mushrooms were NO JOKE. After I got home I sat down at my computer, went over this week’s lines, and mentally entered another dimension. While I was tripping balls, Smokey the bear took time out from fighting wildfires to tell me the exact picks to make. So without further commentary, I will list the picks to make this week. No need for any analysis. If you aren’t convinced these picks are gold after what I just told you then you don’t deserve this free money anyway:
UCLA +6.5 @ Utah
Penn State -7.5 @ Michigan State
Florida @ Missouri -3.5
Western Kentucky +11 @ Vanderbilt
Ohio State @ Iowa +17.5
Iowa State @ West Virginia -2.5
South Carolina +24.5 @ Georgia
Oklahoma @ Oklahoma State -3
Southern Miss +7 @ Tennessee
LSU +21 @ Alabama
Virginia Tech @ Miami +3